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| A Delux Krabby Patty, Via http://spongebob.wikia.com |
Tasting the Untastable: Fictional and Cartoon Food
Face it... you've always wondered what a Krabby Patty tastes like.
At the age of 23, I’m still a fan of cartoons. The memories
of waking up early on Saturday morning, still in my PJs, making myself a bowl
of Frosted Flakes, settling down on the couch with my brother Jamie, and
watching ABC’s One Saturday Morning or
flipping on Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon still well up every time I flip
through past the once forgotten channels of my childhood. I still watch the
Simpsons, Futurama, and occasionally Sponge Bob; I don’t consider them childish
cartoons because of the subtle undertones that still offer hours of
entertainment to this day. Something always puzzled me from watching these old
shows, and I’m sure more will be brought back to the forefront of my mind
through writing this blog post, but what the hell did a Krabby Patty taste
like? In this series I’ll explore cartoon foods… let’s call it Tasting the Untastable.
Let me note quickly… this was just supposed to be one post.
I quickly realized how much there is to write about and there’s no way anyone
will want to read through such a long post, so a long with SMIAS (Six Months in
a Sautoir) this will become a series.
Rocko’s Modern Life: Anything Heffer Eats
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| Heffer with a pizza, Via http://www.tumblr.com |
One of my favorite cartoon shows ever. I used to watch Rocko’s Modern Life every chance I got.
I would drive my sister insane when she wanted to watch Clarissa Explains It All—they were both on at the same time. I
started noticing patterns watching Rocko and his friends when I was a kid; they
were always eating. It was usually Heffer eating constantly. He was the complete
embodiment of gluttony and sloth, but everything he ate always looked so good!
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| Here, have a sausage, Via http://villains.wikia.com |
I remember the episode where he was enlisted by an evil cult
hell bent on the worship of the sausage. Five minutes of this episode are spent
showing Heffer and the rest of the cult followers eating sausage—It’s making me
hungry just thinking about it. Heffer gets reprimanded for ordering a pizza…
classic stuff.
I think it’s Heffer’s character and the running gag of him
always stuffing his face. He’s a cow, (sorry steer) raised by wolves and taught
to eat like one. He’s fat as a house, literally getting stuck in doorways
through the course of the series, but I think it’s his complete and total love
for his food that makes me want to eat it so much. What are Pasture Puffies?
Hell if I know. Do they taste like Lays Classic Potato Chips, Cheetos, or pork
rinds? Do they taste like something I’ve never eaten before? I guess that’s
what I’m trying to get at—we can’t taste this stuff! That’s what’s so
frustrating about watching a cartoon character eat.
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| Heffer soon after near death, Via http://www.ovguide.com |
I can only use my imagination to know what Chokey Chicken
tastes like, but I can assume it’s a cross between Boston Market and KFC. I’ve had
chicken way too many times to try and remember, but for some reason this chicken seems better than any I’ve
ever had. How can a cartoon cause such strong emotions about something fictitious?
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| One of the many Chokey Chicken franchises, Via http://tvtropes.org |
At the end of the day, Heffer will always be fat and eating
constantly. He’ll always be eating food I can’t get my hands on. The show is no
longer made, and thankfully I can pick and choose the times when I'm watching him
stuff his greedy face and jealous rage pours through my body.
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| Photo Via http://www.tumblr.com |
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