Overview of a Juice Cleanse

Overview of a Juice Cleanse

Photo Via Grass Roots Juicery

Chlorophyll is vile...

For those who follow Tipped on Twitter, you’ll know that last week I started a three day juice cleanse. This isn’t normally something I would do, but I’ve been more aware of these food trends recently and have even gone as far as to give up gluten for two weeks. In the past I went vegetarian for a week to prove a point to a friend, but this was child’s play in comparison to going gluten-free or attempting an all juice cleanse. I’ve heard of staggering health and mental benefits accompanying many of these extreme diets and cleanses, but my desire mainly stemmed from curiosity. These juice cleanses are becoming insanely popular, and it was time to see what all the hype was about.

I got my cleanse from a juice bar down the street, Grass Roots Juicery, but this post wont double as a review for them, just my cleanse experience in general. We did their Peaceful Warrior cleanse—basically not meant for beginners or hardcore juicers, somewhere right in the middle. It is meant to, “Find inner peace while still kicking butt. Designed for more experienced cleansers who take good care of themselves, and work-out regularly. It is perfect for those who would like a cleanse that will keep up with a high-energy life style.”

The cleanse itself consists of six 16oz juices with one morning shot of chlorophyll. The juices are coconut water, Grass Roots (Kale, apple, spinach, cucumber, celery, romaine, parsley, lemon, and probably more), Just Beet It (Beet, ginger, apple, carrot, lemon, wheat grass), coconut milk, another Grass Roots, and almond milk. The basics of the cleanse are to spread the juices across the day and try to stay busy so you don’t think about food too much. This actually worked pretty well for me, spreading the seven drinks over 12 hours, one every two hours. If the juices do their job, they’re supposed to regulate your blood sugar so you don’t feel hungry. The juices are also supposed to cleanse your body, make you more aware and mentally clear, and just generally give you an energized and positive feel, but the jury is out on that… more to come later.

As far as taste is concerned:

• Chlorophyll Shot – Let’s start here: Have you ever had wheat grass? If not, imagine the smell of freshly cut grass. Now put that in a blender and you have wheat grass. Take wheat grass and combine with a healthy dose of bile… you know, that stuff you taste after just throwing up. Mix in a little bit of sea water, and  this cacophony of grass, salt, and what can only be described as excrement probably stands as the most putrid thing I’ve had to put into my body to this point in my life. Medicine tastes better than this shit. I can hardly believe people actually drink this of their own accord. I will never put myself through having a shot of this stuff again.

• Coconut water – Pretty straight forward. Not a huge fan, but it doesn’t offend.

• Grass Roots – This juice actually wasn’t that bad. It sounds and smells worse than it actually is. I’m sure that my breath wreaked after drinking it, but I’ve had green juices before, and this was not one of the worst.

• Just Beet It – I really enjoy beet juice with ginger and other things, but what really kills this is the wheat grass. I got used to it after the first one, but it really detracted from the overall taste—there’s a reason Blueprint, the leader in juice-based cleanses, doesn’t put wheat grass in their version of this juice.

• Coconut milk – Take aforementioned coconut water and puree raw coconut flesh. Tastes like coconut milk, but the texture was the most off-putting of the whole bunch. In fact, the texture was so bad that I couldn’t stomach half of my second day’s bottle.

• Almond milk – I love almonds. I was snacking on them throughout the day to kill hunger cravings. The dessert drink was okay, but left me wanting either something with more almond, or something slightly sweeter.

And now for the experience:

Day 1

            Morning

It turns out the juice bar didn’t change the hours from their website, so I was left to wait until they opened… not a review of the place itself. I was given two days worth of juices for myself and my girlfriend and was told to pick up the last day later because it wasn’t prepared for me yet… again, not a review of the place. I took my first shot at 8:00am in the car while driving to drop off my girlfriend’s juices and severely underestimated the taste of it—I almost opened the coconut water just to get the taste out of my mouth, but soldiered on. Once at work, my coconut water rounded out my first morning.

Afternoon

Grass Roots number one at lunch time and I still wasn’t hungry. Just Beet It at 2:00pm was smooth as well. The coconut milk at 4:00pm was slightly off-putting, but not horrible. I was starting to notice a large increase in how many times I had to go pee, but I was drinking all my calories, wasn’t I?

Evening

I had my second Grass Roots when I got home and to get my mind off of my hunger and general discomfort, I actually chose to put together Ikea furniture. After only one major blowup at the Ikea instructions and an almond milk, I went to sleep. Pretty easy day one.

Day 2

            Morning

I felt good in the morning and put down two pints of water to rehydrate myself. (They recommended this in the mornings) I chased my chlorophyll shot with an herbal tea, and was lucky to keep the whole thing down—no vomit. I was starting to notice my first caffeine headache when I got into work, so I had a green tea to get rid of it… oh yeah, no coffee. Coconut was starting to get really boring.

Afternoon

At this point, the monotony of the juices was starting to get to me. I was also getting very hungry and a little irritable. Time was dragging on and all I cared about was the next two hour span so I could get some more calories into my body. Work was nearly impossible. The beet juice was fine, but very unsatisfying.  My first craving for of all things, steak tartare, kicked in and I felt my first really low period in the cleanse. I left work early and drank my coconut milk in the car, leaving the last half remaining in my cup holder to congeal overnight.

A Mr. Bean steak tartare reference 

Evening

I can’t say I’ve felt this low in a while. I needed to do something to get my mind off of how bad I felt, so I met my girlfriend in the city to go see Ender’s Game. We shared a jumbo popcorn… oops. I had my almond milk when we got home and we fell asleep hungry.

Day 3

            Morning/Afternoon

We slept in late. When I got up I actually felt slightly better than the night before—I heard day two is the hardest of any cleanse. I sniffed my shot, grimaced,  skipped it, and had my coconut water and some tea before getting ready to go hiking. We went for our afternoon hike in the amazing late-fall weather and actually got through a huge chunk of it without feeling crappy, but the damage of day two had already been done; we decided to break the cleanse at 5:00pm on our third day. To celebrate our mostly successful cleanse, we found the nearest hibachi restaurant, sat down in our grimy hiking gear, and ordered most of the menu. When we got home we finished putting together our Ikea furniture, ordered a small pizza, and passed out asleep.

Photo Via Ichiro West Hartford

Okay, so we weren’t completely successful, but we gave it a good try. What I did take out of this cleanse was that on day four, I was rarely hungry and didn’t eat all that much. Even a few days later, I still feel the lasting benefit of letting my stomach get used to smaller amounts of food. That is the one and only health benefit I took away from this cleanse.

My major moment of clarity came during my commute home on day two: during this time, I realized my body is not a temple and shouldn’t be tied down to any food lifestyle. I like to eat too much. If I had my choice of fate, I’d want to be swimming in a martini, rubbing pork belly all over my face, adding truffles and foie gras to all major and minor meals, and generally enjoying my foodie life; I do not want to be drinking my meals for any extended period of time. What bothered me most was that all the joy was taken out of eating. Eating became only about a caloric consumption… sustenance. This is a very bleak way to live out life, especially for me. I found more joy in eating a large hibachi meal once I broke my cleanse than in any single moment during the cleanse itself. Yes, I lost four pounds. Yes, my stomach’s thermostat was reset so I’m now consuming less amounts of food at every meal, but was it worth it? It did make me realize how important food is to me, and while I didn’t really need that refresher, it’s still nice to know.

Maybe I missed the point, but I was eating healthily to begin with before I started the cleanse. I don’t eat trans fats or processed foods all that often, so would I have gotten that much more out of the cleanse if I had? Where was my mental clarity? I felt fuzzy and drained at almost all points during the day. I got more out of a two hour hike than I did two days of cleansing. Do people really do these cleanses for five days, a week, a month? I don’t think I’m missing out. If I cleanse again, It will be for one feeling, and that was the feeling I got during my first meal back—I followed everything, savored every bite, took in the whole experience. Maybe this was made all the more drastic by the performance of a hibachi restaurant, but I loved every minute of it. I felt like a kid again, and once the food hit my stomach, my brain finally realizing the presence of solid food, the endorphin rush it set off was staggering. While I really don’t think this was the intended final product of a juice cleanse, it was the most poignant moment for me, a foodie, who once again needed a first-hand look at a food fad. 

- Adam from Tipped Mixology